Rarely

I was, once again, sitting with John, John, and Aaron at lunch. Aaron and I had already gotten our food, but John and John hadn't. When they went to go and get in the lunch line, Aaron and I were sitting by ourselves.

I had started to think about all the people I now knew named John when Aaron asked, "Do you think John likes you?"

I looked up from my tray, startled. I said the first thing I could think to say: "What do you mean?"

"I mean, do you actually think John likes you? Like, more than a friend?"

At those words, I'm sure that my face turned white as chalk. No, white as a ghost, which was certainly something I wanted desperately to become at that moment.

"I don't know," I said quietly and lowered my gaze.

When John and John returned to the table, I didn't say as much as I usually did. I was silent for the rest of lunch. When the bell rang, I picked up my bag, said goodbye, and left.

Aaron had said actually. Actually, as in, are you really that pathetic? I knew he wouldn't have even asked if John hadn't told him to. It was, apparently, his way of telling me he didn't like me.

Well, not in that way, at least.

As I walked to my bus that afternoon, I decided I would continiue sitting next to John, John, and Aaron at lunch, but wouldn't pursue any kind of... well, relationship... thing...

I was going to give up. I was used to it. No use, you know?

I tried to cheer myself up, but it wasn't really working.

Rarely does anyone I love love me back.