Not Breathing
John and I were in an argument.
We had gone to the football game later that night, and I had talked to him about my jealousy. He wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and he didn't exactly understand what my jealousy was about. I couldn't blame him; neither did I. We had left the game to go home, but the car had broken down. We were waiting for Uncle Andy, Tyler's dad, to come and pick us up.
At one point, John and I were standing next to the car, and were about to break up. He started crying, and I stood behind him. I was crying as well.
Either one of us were going to do something, or we weren't going to be in love with each other anymore. Well, I was going to be in love with him no matter what, I knew. I always would.
And yet there we stood...
He continiued to cry. I did, too.
It was so ironic, because the day before had been our six-month anniversary. It had been such a wonderful day. He had told me he was getting me something, so I stayed up half the night drawing. I took 17 sheets of paper (we started going out on the 17th of February) and drew 68 little black hearts on every one (6 is his favorite number, and 8 was mine). The number 17 had always been special because 7-1=6 and 7+1=8. It didn't seem like much to draw a bunch of hearts on a piece of paper, but it meant something to us. He ended up giving me an opal ring and a picture that Holly had drawn, depicting John and I. It was so beautiful; I almost cried.
In that moment, as I watched John standing there, crying, I let go of my jealousy. Whatever it was, it was not as important as having him with me.
I told him I was sorry and I loved him, and we ended our argument.
A minute later, Tyler, John, and I were standing in the grass next to the sidewalk.
"You know what I love?" John said. "I love not breathing for a long time, and then breathing again."
Tyler and I agreed. It was a good feeling, being able to breathe.
We had gone to the football game later that night, and I had talked to him about my jealousy. He wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and he didn't exactly understand what my jealousy was about. I couldn't blame him; neither did I. We had left the game to go home, but the car had broken down. We were waiting for Uncle Andy, Tyler's dad, to come and pick us up.
At one point, John and I were standing next to the car, and were about to break up. He started crying, and I stood behind him. I was crying as well.
Either one of us were going to do something, or we weren't going to be in love with each other anymore. Well, I was going to be in love with him no matter what, I knew. I always would.
And yet there we stood...
He continiued to cry. I did, too.
It was so ironic, because the day before had been our six-month anniversary. It had been such a wonderful day. He had told me he was getting me something, so I stayed up half the night drawing. I took 17 sheets of paper (we started going out on the 17th of February) and drew 68 little black hearts on every one (6 is his favorite number, and 8 was mine). The number 17 had always been special because 7-1=6 and 7+1=8. It didn't seem like much to draw a bunch of hearts on a piece of paper, but it meant something to us. He ended up giving me an opal ring and a picture that Holly had drawn, depicting John and I. It was so beautiful; I almost cried.
In that moment, as I watched John standing there, crying, I let go of my jealousy. Whatever it was, it was not as important as having him with me.
I told him I was sorry and I loved him, and we ended our argument.
A minute later, Tyler, John, and I were standing in the grass next to the sidewalk.
"You know what I love?" John said. "I love not breathing for a long time, and then breathing again."
Tyler and I agreed. It was a good feeling, being able to breathe.
posted by Diary of a Ghost at 1:10 PM
3 Comments:
See! Look, I went right to your blog when you left your comment! *Nervous laughter*
The story I'm going to tell you is for both posts, the Green Spider one, and this one. Anyway, This reminds me of a long time ago (6 months ago) when I was young and foolish (everything about me was the same, except that I love Tyler now...) I was sitting at the bus, waiting for it to start moving and take me home, and I looked out the window, and I saw Jared (we were still together at the time) talking with his friends.
I sat there with my head in my hands, pretending not to be jeoulous of his friends, who he spent more time with then me, and I noticed that tears were coming down my cheeks, realzing that he would much rather spend time with them then with me.
A couple girls turned around in their seats, and they must have heard me sniffleing, because they freaked out, and soon everyone on that f-ing bus knew that I was crying. And this always ends up with a "want to crawl up in your shell" moment, and everyone was asking me what was wrong. I just sat there, not speaking.
When Jared came on the bus, I'm sure people freaked out to him telling him his girlfriend was crying. I watched a girl tell him that, and I watched him shrug, and walk to the back of the bus. He even turned to see me, and looked right in my eyes. But he just kept walking.
I was hurt more then anything. The least expected action was for him to just sit and talk to me. But, he didn't. And that was the very day I realized I hated him more then I loved him.
I never reported this in my blog, because I felt that it would would break my heart to write it down.
But the point is, that John didn't completely ignore you when you tried to explain that you were hurt.
My point is, that I know that you and John are strong together. You didn't ignore eachother, and that is what I'm trying to say. I just know that that is part of a strong, loving relationship.
Maybe my point didn't make it across, but I will just tell you that I can tell he loves you, and that's the most important thing...
Wow, I really hope I don't sound like an idiot saying that. Well, I tried to say something important
>_<
I have added you to my links, I hope you don't mind. If you do let me know and I will take it off.
Hope all is well for you... Later.
Is...is that a dead fish on your picture?
Awresome!
^_^
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